I gave a talk in church this last week. I hate speaking.
When I was asked to speak Bro Walsh gave me the option of either receiving a topic or going off something from my life that I thought the ward could benefit from. He added that he preferred I go with option 2. So that extra nudge (or guilt) helped me to decide to go for it. As soon as he said this I knew what I would speak about because it has been on my mind a lot lately and throughout the past, say 2 years. Faith. Faith in Life. Faith in each other, Faith in ourselves, Faith in our spouse, Faith in our surroundings and most important of all Faith in our Heavenly Father and his plan and timing. Faith: The very First principle of the gospel and yet to me it seems to be the hardest to find sometimes. The Savior promised, “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me” (Moroni 7:33).
Let me try to give you a glimpse at what has happened in our family. 2 years ago my husband Zach graduated from BYU with his masters in music composition and around the same time we found out we were expecting. Now you’d think a Master’s was enough school but not to get where we wanted to go so we promptly began preparing and planning for more schooling. We knew the next step would require a change of University and quite possibly city. Fast forward to spring 2015 (and 30+ weeks pregnant) after receiving a few letters we got a call from a professor at UofA telling Zach he has been accepted and they really want him in their program. No offense but I never thought Arizona would be a contender. So after this news I had to wrap my head around the idea of Arizona, and since neither of us had been here we both took a few days off work and got permission from my Doctor that my terribly swollen legs and feet MIGHT be alright taking a road trip. So we said a prayer and set out. We arrived in Tucson and made the mistake of staying in a hotel on the south side and wondered what we’d done by coming here. We met with professors who were so excited about Zach’s talent and skills but came with the news that no scholarships were available for him right now. We left there completely out of hope that this could even be possible.
At this point in time I had been working for the same company for just about 8 years and our accountant just happened to be in Tucson. I felt like these people were my good friends but had only met the head accountant a hand full of times in Provo. So I decided to drop by for a visit and finally put faces to these voices I knew so well and talked to almost daily. We walked into Brother Dickey’s office in the middle of tax season 32 weeks pregnant and the 1st thing out of his mouth, was if I needed a job. Pretty sure my chin hit the floor. Knowing my baby was coming soon he tells me they love babies and I could bring my little girl to work with me and I could support my husband through school. Not making him any promises, we left there immediately lifted from our despair and given a small but very distinct glimmer of hope. We had found a reason to have faith in this journey. Heavenly Father knew that we needed something while being here to help us see that potential. ***Later I found out he didn’t actually have work for me at the time but he offered anyways. Not knowing that in the next couple months he would be losing two employees and be in desperate need of help. He had enough faith in my abilities, and he exercised great Faith in the Lord’s inspiration, that he was able to answer our prayers even though it was not entirely possible for him at the time.
We returned to Provo and began the waiting game, almost deciding to take the ‘easy’ way out and stay in Utah, close to family, friends, and what we knew. I could stay at my job and we could keep our large apartment. Then the day came, we received a letter from the University of Utah - not the good one - and it was decided, if we wanted to make this happen we would be moving to Tucson.
In the True to the Faith Pamphlet this phrase and scripture brings so much comfort to me: When times of trial come, faith can give you strength to press forward and face your hardships with courage. Even when the future seems uncertain, your faith in the Savior can give you peace (see Romans 5:1; Helaman 5:47).
So onward I went exercising more faith than I have ever been asked to muster. I told my boss I was moving and trained my replacement for the last weeks of my pregnancy. The night after my last day working I went into labor and Evelyn was born the next afternoon 1 weeks early. Zach quit his job just a few more weeks after that and we were now a family of 3 living off our savings and praying Zach would get a scholarship from school and that I would be able to do whatever it was that Brother Dickey had for me and it would provide for our basic needs.
We had started our journey of pure faith and trust in our Heavenly Father that this was going to work out. We were disrupting our comfortable life of two substantial incomes, family down the street with Grandmas close by, friends and neighbors by abandoning all we knew and putting trust in our Heavenly Father’s divine direction in our lives.
In the talk called ‘Choose to Believe’ By Elder L. Whitney Clayton Of the Presidency of the Seventy he said “But all of us will, at some time or another, have to traverse our own spiritual wilderness and undertake our own rugged emotional journeys. In those moments, however dark or seemingly hopeless they may be, if we search for it, there will always be a spiritual light that beckons to us, giving us the hope of rescue and relief. That light shines from the Savior of all mankind, who is the Light of the World. Perceiving spiritual light is different from seeing physical light. Recognizing the Savior’s spiritual light begins with our willingness to believe.” - and I would add trust, not only do we believe we need to trust.
Around this point of our journey I started to notice a pattern. When these hard decisions or rough patches that seemed to be coming regularly at us like Elder Clayton said we wouldn’t be given the answer with everything put nicely together but would be given a glimmer of light. We were being shown a small tender mercy. One tiny bit of encouragement or belief that we could press onward and make this goal achievable, a goal that would be so easy to abandon. It felt like Heavenly Father was saying thank you Emily for putting your faith in me. Here is a clue, Now keep working. This is the 2nd part of Faith that sometimes gets mowed over in our desire for instant gratification. Things around us move so quickly and sometimes we forget that things take effort. We have to put in the time to prove we are willing to do what it takes. It’s not enough to talk the talk but you must walk the walk.
So our little family made it to Tucson and I started my job. Zach and I traded off taking care of our tiny newborn. When he didn’t have school or rehearsals he’d watch her at home and when he was at school i’d have her at work with me. I was so apprehensive about this set up and didn’t know how i’d ever learn my new job having to divide my attention between my work responsibilities and providing for the family as well as the needs of my baby and really just wanting to snuggle her all day long. One added blessing we would never have imagined, was that little tiny girl and the sweet spirit she exuded. Our little Evelyn was an angel and would play in her bouncer or swing right by my chair and be content for the longest time to look around and watch her toys and smile away at each and every person that passed by her. Not only was her demeanor beyond pleasant but she passed that to the rest of the office and created a much happier workplace whenever she was in the office.
President Uchtdorf in a Facebook post I saw this week said. “The Lord knows you. He knows your heart and is pleased with your sacrifice. He smiles upon you each day. He will uphold you and prepare the way for you. He will send His angels before you. You will feel their presence. And with the help of heaven, your talents will be multiplied.
I promise you that as you lift those around you, the Lord God, the Creator of the universe, will lift you up. If you will only believe and incline your heart to our Beloved Father, He will place within you a peace that surpasses understanding. He will give you joy. May each of you always remember this.
I was recently reading about the Brother of Jared and can empathize in a very small sense to those people. Being asked to build a ship to cross into the complete unknown. They prepared by building these ships and trusting the instructions they were given, faithfully accomplishing what was asked of them. Knowing they would be sealed up in these ships with no light from the outside, the Brother of Jared exercising tremendous faith, came up with a plan that he thought would be suitable and took it to the Lord. Knowing the Lord can do all things and having that Faith he saw the Lord’s finger as he touched the stones that would bring light to the darkness of their boats. Heavenly Father didn’t immediately take away the trial that was ahead of them. No, they were in those boats getting tossed about by the sea for a long time. But every time they would get buried in the depth of the sea they would pray and be brought to the surface again. in our trials we are blessed in a similar manner if we stop and take the time to come up with a solution and take it to our Heavenly Father he is there waiting to show his hand in all things. He is always there waiting for us to call out or turn to him, and he will bring us back to the surface.
To that point, and going Back to the talk by Elder L. Whitney Clayton of the Seventy he said: Prophets across the ages have encouraged us and even implored us to believe in Christ. Their exhortations reflect a fundamental fact: God does not force us to believe. Instead He invites us to believe by sending living prophets and apostles to teach us, by providing scriptures, and by beckoning to us through His Spirit. We are the ones who must choose to embrace those spiritual invitations, electing to see with inward eyes the spiritual light with which He calls us. The decision to believe is the most important choice we ever make. It shapes all our other decisions. God does not compel us to believe any more than He compels us to keep any commandments, despite His perfect desire to bless us. Yet His call to us to believe in Him--to exercise that particle of faith and to give place for His words--remains in effect today. - - - - -
It has not been a walk in the park. Some days I start to wonder why we’re here. I miss my family terribly. We have been tested to the max emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Our disagreements have been many as we learn to navigate through new territory, as new parents we are learning to raise a precious Child of God together, making decisions for our family, and we have never worked through the student life together . Balancing all aspects of life is not easy and we feel the pressure regularly. I’ve found that it is absolutely essential that I have faith in my husband. Faith in his skills as a husband and father and faith in him as a person and son of God. It’s easy to lose sight sometimes of all the reasons why we love our spouses in the turmoil of daily life and the struggles that we are plagued with constantly. Returning to the basics and giving him my faith empowers him and returns peace to our home and relationship. The same could be said for relationships with children or other family members.
Returning again to Elder Clayton’s talk he says:
Never Give Up Sometimes progress in spiritual things can seem slow or intermittent. Sometimes we may feel that we have lost ground, that we have made mistakes, or that our best efforts to find the Savior are not working. If you feel this way, please do not give up--ever. Go right on believing in Him and in His gospel and His Church. Align your actions with that belief. In those moments when the light of your faith has dimmed, let your hope for the Savior’s love and grace, found in His gospel and His Church, overcome your doubt. I promise that He stands ready to receive you. Over time you will come to see that you have made the best choice you could possibly have made. Your courageous decision to believe in Him will bless you immeasurably and forever.
Zach worked very hard his first year of his Doctoral studies and made a big impression on his Professors. So much so that he was awarded a life changing scholarship that is greatly affecting our 2nd year of school. He will now be teaching and able to share the financial burden, giving me the chance to spend more time with our very energetic and curious toddler. Along with numerous other added benefits that a year ago did not even seem fathomable. We are living proof that the blessings of putting our trust in our Heavenly Father and just pressing onward reaps many rewards. We never expected to receive the scholarship but it completely solidified our belief that we are here for a reason and that we were led here by divine intervention and direction. Our testimonies of our Saviors Love and our desire to serve him have grown together as we continue on this journey together. We are grateful for the chance we have to be here learning together and for the people around us who help make it easier and feel like home.
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